My recent visit to USA left me
with some sad feelings. The reason being the scant regard or non recognition
given to the Indian great institutions by our Non Resident Indians. I had the
opportunity to participate in the get-together event of NRI couples. I happened
to hear the comments of the Indian young men on certain American social values.
They were highly appreciative of the
importance given by parents to personal freedom and independent decisions of
their children. They even appreciated the easy divorce procedures in the USA
and voiced their resentment against certain draconian laws in India regarding domestic violence
which is prejudiced against men and the difficult divorce procedures. They seem to support the practice of all the American
parents going to senior citizens homes, the practice of parents rewarding
children when they do some errands for the family, just to make them understand
the dignity of labor and the dating and the
living together culture. One enthusiastic Indian even declared that, he is paying his 6 year
old daughter when ever she stamps on his back to relieve him from back pain
just to teach her that, “if there is no pain there is no gain”. They highly
praised the fact that American middle class parents do not bear the burden of their
children’s college education and they self manage it either through
scholarship or part-time odd jobs , conveniently forgetting that their Indian
middle class parents had spent all their life savings or sold their immovable
assets or have the burden of
indebtedness to give them the highest professional
qualification so that, they can start their life from a higher carrier platform
.
There seemed to be a
contradiction in their thinking process when, they declared that, every
American couple is highly independent and do not lean on their parents either
for financial or physical support or seek their advice even in major matters of
importance, again, comfortably forgetting that it is the same Indian NRI
couples who desperately wait for arrival of one set of parent, at the time of
child birth in their family and another set for post natal care. If they are
working couples they take green card for their parents to take care of their
home and children the net result is, the Indian mothers do not get rest even in
their old age and become member of IAS group (International Ayah Service) It
looked as a clear case of hypocrisy on the part of NRI Indian couples.
The subjects discussed during
this get together kindled my thinking process. Why do our men change
drastically within 6-10 years of living in Western nations without realising
the greatness of Indian values system and the great institutions such as, long
lasting marriages, the joint family system and the Indian values instilled in our
mind from childhood such as, “be faithful to your religion and be tolerant of
other religions”, “respect and look after elders in their sun set years” ,
“give more importance to spiritualism than to materialism,” “be mindful of
duties towards family and the nation” etc.,
Why we have to appreciate and ape
every value that is followed in the west especially, the great importance
attached to materialism and the materialistic attitude that dominates their everyday
activities? For example, once the children in west reach the age of 18 they are
supposed to become independent financially in middle income families. They take
up part time job while studying to finance their education and even have to
save for their marriage. Depending on parents for ever is unthinkable. Since
their children are used to separation of their parents, since the divorce rate
is high, they are able to adjust to stepmothers, step fathers and step brothers
and sisters. Every earning person is expected to save for their old age since
being looked after by children in old age is not the existing custom. But in
the Asian especially Indian values or practices are totally different in these matters.
Due to long lasting marriages Indian
children are brought up in a secured
environment unlike their western counterparts . Is it not an enviable
situation?
The Indian parents look after
their children till they are settled in carrier and marriage several of Indian marriages long last
despite marital discard or incompatibility since, the children’s welfare and their emotional
security weigh high in the parents minds than their own personal interest . This attitude of the Indian parents has helped in the preservation of
the institution of marriage all these decades . Our
religions insist on children’s duty to look after parents in old age Don’t Indian sons take the responsibility of their
sibling’s education and marriages in the event of the death of their fathers? What
is wrong in such practices and family bonds? Don’t the Indian children run
errands and share the responsibility in running the house hold activities out of love or regard or
respect for their parents? Why do we have to mar the beauty of such acts by
paying money to them simply by aping the West? How can there be an appreciation
of living in culture and easy divorce procedures without thinking of the psychological
effect of such acts on children? Let
them realise the beauty of institution like the joint family system in which
the parents, the brother’s widows and children and destitute aunts were protected,
when they were appreciating the western values as asuprior one.
Any thing western is superior and any thing Indian
is out dated seems to be the mind set of today’s generation. It is sad that
they are not proud of their rich culture and traditions. Let them realise that,
while the infrastructure, environmental cleanliness, advanced technological
methods in day to day life, higher education standard, research facilities and
justice delivery system are far superior to ours, our social values and social
institutions are outstanding and culturally far superior and we can feel proud
about them. They indeed play a very
relevant role in character building of
the younger generation in any nation.
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