Few decades back Indians would not have dreamt that the concept of old age homes or senior citizens shelters will become a part of our social life .It is still not a readily acceptable notion to many. Those who have a biased opinion about the old age homes should understand the simple principles of life exhibited brilliantly in the following poem, written by Khalil Gibran , so that acceptability of the senior homes becomes easier.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life .
They come through you , but not from you.
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love , but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies , but not their souls.
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow , which you can not visit, not even in your dreams .
You may strive to be like them , but seek not to make them like you.
This poem talks about philosophy of life in simple words. If it is properly understood the complexities in human relation ship especially between children and parents will not continue to exist in such intensity as it is prevailing now
Before discussing whether old age homes are boon or bane let
us analyse the data regarding life expectancy at birth in India so that we get an idea about the social and economic burden of longevity of the population
The number of 60 plus population in India
1851 21millions
1981 43 millions
1991 54.7 millions
2001 76 millions
2025(projected) 117 millions
The growing number of the elders has become a development issue due to the social and economic cost involved in taking care of the elders.It is true that taking care of the old parents and grand parents is the immediate responsibility of the family . But the changes in the social circumstances due to the spread of the global village concept has made the care of the elders by the family very difficult .The joint family system which has taken care of the elders, widows and orphans had disappeared in India due to migration of the children necessitated by economic compulsions.
If children of to day do not respect values such as “let you be the one who worships mother, father, teachers and the guest,” there are reasons for it.
Who trains them to become ambitious in goal setting? Who makes all the sacrifices to give them high quality education preferably, foreign education ? Who encourages them to become competitive in this world? Who coax them to go abroad to get maximum possible earning? Who gives them the ideas that the parents can manage on their own during their absence in the home country? Who teaches them to have independent thinking ability? Who decides to hide from them all the efforts and suffering undergone by the parents to put them on higher plat form ? Who has moulded them to be materialistic?
There is no justification in blaming the youngsters of today for their indifference attitude towards the elders of the family after Grooming them to be what they are today i.e.,; self centered , insensitive to the needs of the parents, materialistic in attitude,ambitious in carrier growth , least regard for mother country’s problems etc,. .Therefore the elders should accept the reality of the situation, especially , when the children are settled in a far off country or even in a far off states with in India. It is not possible for them to migrate the parents , to their living places due to immigration problems or climatic differences. Elders too would not prefer to constant migration and adjustment to variations in culture and environment, language, food habits etc,. due to the constant juggling in carriers of their children .Of cours,the eternal conflicts between daughter in laws and son in laws and the parents in laws also have taught the elders that maintenance of some distance between children and them which is called “spacing” is better for the maintenance of smooth family relationship. Hence many of the elders, either volunteer to stay alone or forced to stay alone and this has resulted in growing number of elders living alone, causing stress to the children and to the elders them selves. If they stay with relatives, after some times cracks in relationship appear. If they stay with servants, security problems arise. If they stay alone, life becomes a burden due to the difficulty in coping up with the house hold management. In recent times, the media is reporting about growing number of attacks and murders of senior citizens who live alone. Hence even the state governments are concerned about their safety.
It may be possible to live alone as long as the seniors are healthy i.e. may be up to the age of 65 due to good health practices and proper medial care. But life becomes a burden after the age of 70 and that too if they succumb to dreaded diseases like alzheimer or paralysis attack or cancer . Then who should take care of them? In the lower strata of society, if the elders are starved ,abused, ignored and denied medical care or sent out of homes where should they turn to? Here comes the role of citizens homes as an alternative institutional arrangement
They are of two types viz,. free and paid homes. The free homes are run by the government by the social welfare department and there are nearly 1000 of them in India and the NGOs also run such homes and are providing the basic facilities and amenities .Though they are not providing satisfactory quality care, it is better than allowing the poor seniors wander in the streets as destitute and have a pathetic end.
The paid home’s facilities vary according to the fees they charge. But under one roof holistic care of varying qualities are available according to the fees they pay ranging between Rs 5000 to 10000 every month.. In these well paid homes they get independent dwelling units, balanced and timely food ,periodic medical check ups, emergency care and facilities for communication with their kith and kin through phones and internet and the library , recreation , exercise facilities .and even the funeral arrangements if the elders are childless or if their children are unwilling or unable to come for a decent farewell. More over the sheer thought of being surrounded by people of their age help in easy interaction and exchange of their personal experiences, that is the lonely feeling with which living alone seniors suffer is not there and the fear for their safety also is non existent. The sons and daughters also can also live in peace after arranging for them ,good senior citizens homes. After realizing the potentiality of profit in running high class senior homes, many real estate organizations have entered into this sector and providing state of the facilities in them. The Children do not mind bearing the cost of their stay in such high class homes, because in that way they can satisfy their conscience. The retired academics, bureaucrats, scientists etc who get very decent pension, also increasingly opt for such homes, because they are aware that they will become victims of grand dumping if they are attacked by serious , terminal diseases when they depend on relatives.
Therefore the elders homes are an intermediate arrangement between living alone without any assistance or with institutional facilities and companions of the same age. it can never be compared with home facilities.But there are advantages also if they are run properly taking into consideration the special requirements of the elders. Staying in an old age home is not any more a stigma or blot on the family values. Of course the pain of living away from the near and dear ones and with staying with strangers will haunt the seniors for ever. But the seniors should become sagacious , accept the realty of the situation , the change in the attitude of their children towards parents ,the erosion in family values and go to the senior citizens home with clear mindset and mentally prepared to adjust to any changes in their life pattern. Because change is the only permanent thing in life and Khalil Gibran’s philosophy of life should be properly understood and adopted in day to day life, so that their sun set years become peaceful.
(written by Rameeze. Rasheed and published in Sulekha. com with the pen name litewait )
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