-Open page- September 30, 2018
My article published in the Hindu
How the elderly are increasingly
adapting to the changing realities of life and learning to manage on their own
It is often said that poverty in
childhood and loneliness in old age are curses on human beings. Maybe this
statement was made during the years when the situation of elders living alone
was a rare occurrence. In the olden days the joint family system existed in
India. This beautiful social institution took care of elders, the orphaned
children, destitutes and widows. But in today’s global village scenario, when
the children are more often than not settled elsewhere in the globe, the elders
are left alone. It may be due to the children’s inability to take them along
with them or due to the desire of the elders themselves to stay alone in India.
The result is that a growing number of elders are managing their lives alone. A
casual conversation with such seniors reveal fascinating real-life stories.
Most of them are women, maybe because women outlive men in the prevalent
demographic pattern in India.
One
such living-alone senior woman said she is now happy to be able to give full
attention to her basic needs related to food, health, sleep and rest, after
decades of giving preference to the needs of the family members all the time at
the expense of her physical, mental and emotional needs.
Another
such woman, basically a spiritual person, had never found adequate time for her
religious duties. But now she is immensely happy that during her sunset years
she is able to spend more time in the company of god. Moreover, she has
realised late in life that the proper way of thanking god and pleasing him is
to help the less-privileged living around her. Ever since this realisation
came, she is more into community service and derives peace of mind through it.
Another
woman who retired from a hectic career of 30 years said that during her
roller-coaster life of managing her children and her career, she never found
the time to pursue her passions, such as writing, reading, painting and
gardening. Now she is contented since she has plenty of time to spend on them.
A
74-year-old said he was not counting on his children to help even in
emergencies since they live thousands of miles away. He is banking on the
neighbours or concerned relatives for immediate help during such times. He said
the availability of such help depends on the cordiality we maintain with
relatives and neighbours. He has achieved this by maintaining regular contact
with them and volunteering to help them whenever they needed his assistance.
A
couple who are in a senior citizens’ home said they are happy to have such an
arrangement as all their basic needs, such as food, medical facilities, shelter
and security, are available on the campus. For the childless or those without
relatives, even terminal illness and last rites are taken care of. Hence they
have no fear about their last days. The belief that they will not die in
loneliness as an orphan in an empty house or will not be murdered by some
stranger, gives them mental peace. They are happy to feel the proximity of so
many aged persons with common problems and needs and have developed friendship
with like-minded inmates of the home. They enjoy companionship to the full and
are thus saved from any depression caused by loneliness.
Another
living-alone woman who is 66, manages her food requirements through catering.
She is happy about this arrangement because she is totally free from kitchen
management tasks after nearly four decades. The time thus saved is used to
satisfy the needs of her creative mind, which were totally discarded during her
productive age due to heavy family responsibilities. At present, she is into
counselling cancer patients, painting and teaching music. She trains some
neighbourhood children in the fine arts. The feeling that she is fulfilling her
heart’s desires and spending time usefully gives her satisfaction. The word
“boredom” is not in her dictionary anymore.
Another
man, who is 83, will make anyone wonder how he had opted to live alone at his
age in an apartment. He says it is no big deal because he has good neighbours
and relatives who check on his well-being now and then. His food requirements
are taken care of by a caterer and the household work by a maid. He says books,
television, music records, smartphone and computer, and his passion for
crossword puzzles, occupy him without boredom. In addition, he is a news addict
and the 24x7 news channels engage him mainly. It is life without
responsibilities after a few decades of hectic family and professional
responsibilities, and he is now living without racing against time, no more a
sleep or leisure-deprived person. He considers the prevailing peace in his life
and the calm of mind as gifts of god.
The
super-seniors (those above 80) struggle to manage their homes because of physical
inability and failing memory. During their productive life their personal needs
were totally taken care of by their wives and outside work by the husbands.
Such seniors who have lost their life-partners are not frustrated over their
present condition and make use of assisted-living facilities or engage home
nurses. They use their leisure hours in various types of community activities
despite health problems. Through membership in walkers’ clubs or humour clubs
or senior associations they make newer friends and even undertake pleasure
trips, and through them get assistance during emergencies.
Interaction
with living-alone seniors reveals that today they are smarter in
self-management skills and have risen above depression caused by the empty nest
syndrome and geriatric and gerontology problems. They know how to empower
themselves by renewing their driving licences, using laptops and smartphones.
To drive away idleness some of them have taken up second careers or got
involved in community welfare activities. They seem to enjoy their
independence. They seem to live with the philosophy that “what cannot be cured
has to be endured”.
That
means they have understood the concepts and techniques of “active aging” or
“healthy aging”, which is possible only through positive thinking. Such seniors
are role models to the younger generation.
No comments:
Post a Comment